The Trouble I Take
by lunartick
Summary: Oneshot. The pains Tokito goes through to be a boy... and how she really feels about the issue. Do RandR and forgive whatever mistakes I made!


Hey people, this is mainly a short fic on how Tokito deals with having to dress up as a man. It is not as hilarious as my previous fic, but I hope you guys will like it. R&R!

**The Trouble I Take… **

Tokito stood before the mirror staring at her reflection. Of all the numerous rooms in the Lunar Palace, this was the one room no one, not even her personal bodyguards could enter. She had put up enough spells, barriers and curses to ensure this. Most people would say she was going too far to ensure privacy, but there was a very good reason for Tokito to behave as such.

No one knew she was a she.

Thus, this was the place when she went through numerous torturous hours, suppressing her femininity through bandages, artificial bronzers, and hours practicing how to spit, burp and pick her nose without breaking into a blush.

It hadn't been easy at first. For one, she could not get over the habit of chewing with her mouth close. Then Yuan had been invited to the Annual Mibu Ball, which he had reluctantly attended, still dressed in his overly casual clothes. It had been a very enriching and honestly, quite disgusting night for the girl pretending to be a boy.

_Yuan slouched in a corner, happily lonely as he attacked an apple hungrily. He hadn't got a date and he hadn't cared. The party was nothing more than a collection of ass-kissers and people who got their asses kissed to him, and he took no pains to hide his thoughts. It was written all over his face in fact. Tokito often wondered if under that ruggedly handsome face, marvelously toned body and those slapdash movements… not to mention that - Tokito froze and bitch slapped herself back to reality. Anyway, the thought that had been on her mind, was whether under those… stuff, was a man filled with passion and fire… and desire. _

_Given his good looks, Tokito took to staring at him, already feeling bored at having her ass kissed. It was then she noticed the way he was eating. The enormous bite off the apple, the rapid loud chewing, the food flying out of the mouth… _

_"Perfect." _

_Tokito smiled to herself as she headed for the banquet table and snatched an apple. With her eye still on Yuan, she held the apple up to her mouth and took as large a bite as she could manage. Critically examining the apple, she noticed it was nowhere as large a bite as Yuan could manage. It had to be the fact that he was a soul eater. Not giving up, she had tried again and again, finally mastering the bite to move on to the chewing. _

_By the end of the night, she had managed to master the bite, had more or less gotten the chewing, but had failed to ensure at least half of the food she bit off ended on the floor. Oh… and she had managed to evoke a look of disgust from the Aka Ou No, which had to count for something. Up to now, she had only seen two sides of him: Smiling and Idiotic. Now, she could add Disgusted to that. _

Tokito allowed herself a smile that was nowhere near as caustic as the ones she often directed at Hishigi. Glancing at the mirror, she checked her bandages carefully from the front, the side, and even the back, though she had no idea how anyone could tell from the back. It paid to be careful however. Either way, she noted that her chest was hereby remarkably flat and non-existent.

"Perfect," she murmured, "brilliant…" she hesitated, "and not really that flat, really." Scowling, she allowed some weak, feminine thoughts to invade her mind as she checked her bandages again. "I can still see that it's not really flat," she muttered, "even though I flattened it the best I can, so that has to mean something… like, I'm not really that tiny… and who cares anyway? I am a Taishirou, I don't need any… thoughts about such stuff and…"

She loosened the bandages vindictively, and was slightly comforted by the sight of a significant budge. She stared at it for a good ten seconds then embarrassedly bandaged it up again. That done, she turned to examine her flawless, pale skin.

"White," she announced to no one in particular, "white and flawless. Like a girl… a pretty girl whom, if people knew was a girl, would have gotten married a million and two years ago because she is rich, of noble blood, and is very, very beautiful." Sighing almost mockingly, she picked up the cream bronzer she had ordered using Hishigi's name. It had caused quite a lot of confusion and much giggling when the medicine people walked past him, and had resulted in Hishigi's growing reputation as a not-so-straight meterosexual – a rumour helped greatly by his taste in leather dressing.

Slowly and carefully, she spread a thin layer over her face and other exposed skin. Checking to make sure it looked more or less natural, she plucked up a burnt match and took to making freckles and sunspots on her face and arms. "The things I go through to make Fubuki-sama proud of me," she muttered as she carefully designed the blot of a birthmark everyone thought she had on her left shoulder. Done, she admired it in the mirror then hesitated. What on earth had given her the idea of a birthmark?

Her mind took her way, way back to an incident that had caused her much humiliation, embarrassment and inspiration.

_She had been taking a walk through the lower cities where the normal Mibu people lived. It had been her intention to stroll on the main street to the unisex clothes shop where she could look at male clothing while still admiring the pretty kimono prints of the female clothing. That had been had intention, that is, until she heard a loud yell from a street away. _

_Mildly curious, she had decided to take a look, only a look, for the lower streets were not directly under her jurisdiction, so she couldn't give a damn. On hindsight, it had been a very, very bad idea. On further hindsight, it did provide her with ample reference material one what people found manly. _

_Keikoku and his half-brother Shinrei were standing inches from each other, both bristling with anger. A large crowd had gathered around to watch the action. Tokito didn't blame them – the fights between the two brothers were often hilarious, childish and highly entertaining. _

_"You're always such a selfish person!" Shinrei was shouting, "How can you not care about your daily training? Your daily training is essential in ensuring that you are able to defend the Mibu clan to your fullest potential!" _

_"You're pig-headed. I overslept, and the training is boring." _

_"That, that and that have nothing to do with each other! And I'm not pig-headed! You have to learn to wake up early! Early, as in before the sun even rises!" _

_"I'll never do what you do." _

_"That's why you are so weak and selfish, and self-centered!" _

_"I'm not weak, I'm stronger than you are. Nobody cares if I'm selfish."_

_"You…! Do you know how many times I have to clean up after all the stupid messes you made?" _

_"Oh? Claiming previous debts in the hope that I'll go nice on you?" _

_"Like real! Do you know who was the one who had to run all the way from the Red King's palace to your room to wake you up because you had overslept?" _

_"Someone with white, bushy hair… and a hideous frown." _

_"Me! It was me! I had to dump water on you to wake you up!" _

_"I hate water." _

_"That's beside the point! And who was the one who has to stand up for you in front of Taihaku every time you skip the Goyousei meetings?" _

_"Taihaku wouldn't punish me anyway, so you were being unnecessary." _

_"Arrogant ingrate!" _

_"Pig-headed ego-maniac." _

_"Faithless imbecile!" _

_"Ugly bushy head." _

_It was at that point, to Tokito's delight, that the two finally drew their swords and clashed in a flurry of water and fire. Leaning back on her heels, she had started to settle down to watch the brothers fight when one of the stupid citizens had to catch sight of her. _

_"Tokito-sama!" _

_The next few seconds happened in a blur. First, the entire crowd had dropped to their knees in front of her, leaving her feeling proud but exposed. At the same time, Shinrei had jerked his head in her direction and froze at the sight of a Taishirou watching him behave childishly. He had thus been unable to block the downward slash that was coming at him. Keikoku, whether out of brotherly love or otherwise, had tried to draw back his slash. Shinrei, noticing the slash finally, had thrust his sword up blindly to block it. The end results had been a highly provocative rip in Shinrei's pants that stretched up way past his hip, exposing more skin from a man than Tokito had ever seen, yet hiding the bare essentials - as well as a large gap in Keikoku's shirt that left him shirtless when the cloth fell away. _

_A few girls had screamed then started to giggle. Shinrei had grabbed the tatters that were once his pants, and had held it together to avoid what would have been inevitable with the wind rising, while blushing furiously. Keikoku had merely stood there, staring blankly at her – trying to remember who she was, apparently. _

_She had turned and stormed out of there, trying to hide the blush that had risen to her cheeks. In those few seconds, she had seen that both brothers had similar birthmarks – Shinrei's on his thigh and Keikoku's on his lower back. It was nothing more than a mere blot, but as she was stomping away, she had heard a few ladies gushing over it Birthmarks hence became a sign of manliness to her. _

"Manliness," she sneered to her reflection, "Those two talk like babies." Grinning tauntingly, she mocked, "You ah bweing toh telfphish."

Laughing, she slipped into her clothes, half-glad that everyone thought she was only a child – which thus justified the slightly feminine cut she was wearing. At least she had pretty legs, she mused, admiring her slim, long legs in the mirror. Maybe they would bulk up in the end, with all the jogging that she did. _That_ would add to her manliness, she reflected, but would probably spell the end of her beautiful legs. Scowling, she faced the mirror.

Time for practicing manly facial expressions in the mirror.

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!" she screamed, trying to imitate the way Yuan laughed when he was highly amused. To her ears, she sounded like an eagle that was being strangled. She could never quite master Yuan's laughter. Changing her mind, she tried to laugh like Fubuki – a low, "huh huh…" Highly monotonous, easier to learn, but never put into practice. When she laughed, she always laughed like a girl.

Turning around, she threw a look of derision at her reflection and tried a smirk. This was something she was naturally good at, but the manliness was lost given that she had trouble smirking _down_ at people.

Sighing, she tried _the _walk. It was hard to accomplish _the _walk, because she couldn't quite manage to maintain the minimum distance of fifteen centimeters between both feet. She always, _always_ regressed back into a rather lady-like gait.

Then there was _the_ hand. Why did she always raise her hand to her face in such a womanly manner whenever she laughed. It was such a girlie habit. She could never change that, much the way she could never change her laugh. At least, this habit could be explained away by her habit of raising her cards to face level before throwing them.

Sighing, she spun around, half-irritated, half-comforted by the way her legs twined together like a dancer's. "You're a boy, Tokito, a boy. Tokito's easily a boy's name. You're a boy, a boy, a boy." Her face inches from the mirror now, she pointed at her reflection and went on, "A boy! A boy! You're a boy! So act like one! Eat like one! Burp like one! Spit like one!"

But those were the least of her problems. The ladies were the real problem.

Somehow, it was… _compulsory_ for men to at least glance at a lady when she walked past. Yuan called it "checking out the skirts", though she suspected it was not the skirts the men were looking at. She had to constantly remind herself to look when a lady walks past, mostly by noting when Fubuki-sama, Yuan or Hishigi turned to look. When she was by herself, she usually forgot.

Then there were the love letters. Pink paper, pink envelopes, pink hearts, pink stickers, pink _ink_ even… she usually got her personal bodyguards to dispose of them. Any letters caught lying around brought punishment upon her servants. Any letters caught lying around by the other Taishirou usually resulted in good-natured teasing by Yuan, blankness by Fubuki and quiet amusement by Hishigi.

For the millionth time, Tokito sighed. She would never be a real boy, never be a real man – would always be a girl who could sometimes turn into a woman. She could not walk the walk or talk the talk, laugh the laugh or burp the burp. It was hopeless, really!

Tokito smiled as she left her territory to enter the Fubuki's for a briefing, in a much better mood than she had been previously.

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Author's Note: I know Tokito's being OC, but it's just my take on what goes on in the mind of a girl who's trying too hard to be tough and strong. Eh… I'm not pairing Tokito up with Yuan (because he's MINE!) in case anyone's wondering. It's just that girls do check out guys – a fact that is mostly ignored by people who think that girls are all weak, pure and innocent. Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed it! Remember to review!


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